MY OWN SELF-IMPRISONMENT
AN ALLEGORICAL RETELLING OF THE FALL
MY OWN SELF-IMPRISONMENT
It may seem preposterous that someone might not know their own beliefs, but if you read my blog post, Where’s the Lettuce, you will see an example of how this has indeed been the case for me. I was unaware that one of the overriding beliefs I held in life was that I should comply with others’ wishes. In complying, I wanted others to know that they could depend on me and that I was responsible. I also thought my desire for peace and harmony with others would be satisfied in this way. These ideas were so intrinsic to how I conducted myself that I didn’t even consider them to be beliefs.
Acquiescing to others in order to be dependable and keep the peace had become a rote response overriding my power to choose. These hidden beliefs had, in this sense, become the master and I the slave to them. I had pushed my own desires and intuitions down to the point that they no longer figured into my daily routines and interactions.
Coming to realize the imprisonment I had unknowingly brought upon myself has me thinking about the story of The Fall in the third book of Genesis in a new way. I personally love an allegorical interpretation of bible stories where each character represents an aspect of the self. This psychological, allegorical method assumes the bible has many layers of meaning and turns it into a tool through which I can better decipher truths that are deeply personal. One bible story might have as many interpretations as there are people in the world.
AN ALLEGORICAL RETELLING OF THE FALL
-Eating the Fruit
My current allegorical interpretation of the Fall whereby I, like Adam & Eve, am cast from the Garden, is this story of my own self-imprisonment. I have eaten the “fruit” from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil–the fruit being thought. I process it–internalizing and digesting it. Then I use it as the justification to act against the truth of myself, against the very voice of God inside of me–the “Holy Spirit,” if you will.
-Experiencing Separation
In eating the fruit, I begin the descent of disassociating myself from Spirit. As Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together to cover their nakedness after eating the fruit—I continually weave thoughts together, creating beliefs that I use to cover myself from my own feelings of separation and the profound sense of uncertainty I feel as I am untethered from my truth. Eventually, I no longer remember what it had been like earlier in the garden, when I (like Adam and Eve before the fall) had been naked and unashamed.
-Understanding My Truth
It is in the casting of God as a character representing a part of myself in this allegory that I come to understand the truth of myself. Not that I am claiming to be the Almighty but rather that we all are manifestations of the One. The dynamic energy between and within us all is what I am seeing as our connection to the Whole, to the One.
It is for this reason that, in the practice of Energetic Inquiry, I inquire of the moving energy (i.e., the Holy Spirit or Voice of God within me) that it might show me the larger wisdom I seek. From this perspective, the “Truth” of myself, then, is not one thing that I can grasp onto; rather, it is a continual unfolding of energy in the present moment. To receive its gifts, I must attune to it by being present with it and feeling its nuance.
This equating of energy with the Holy Spirit has not diminished my understanding of the greatness of God; rather, it is helping me to feel into and live from connection to this awesome force– this force which humbles me when I am able to feel its presence; this force which I can only describe as Love itself.
A PATH TO FREEDOM
Taking Responsibility (in the Game of Life)
“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can’t escape.” -G.I. Gurdjieff
Think of life as a virtual reality game with many levels of play. The realization that you are in prison is the completion of level one. Congratulations, you are ready to move on to level two.
Navigating level two can be a tricky business. Now that I realize I’m in prison, I’m angry. I want revenge on my jailer! My first response is to blame others for my imprisonment, believing it’s the fault of my partner, my boss, the covert government, aliens—you name it. This is a difficult level to transcend. I’ve been playing at this level for some time.
What I am seeing from my vantage point so far is-
- My “eating of the fruit” is the negating action whereby I produce, of my own accord, the opposite of the good which was the original creation spoken of in the first book of Genesis. In this way, I cast myself from the harmony and balance represented by the Garden of Eden. It is my own doing, even as I blame others for my woes, as Eve blamed the Serpent and Adam blamed Eve.
- When I blame others for my problems I actually give over my power! I get lost in a maze of questions, leading me to assumptions and even conspiracy theories, keeping me trapped in my thinking mind. I begin seeing things as black and white. The duality of good and evil prevails and renders me impotent. This is like having my fingers caught in a Chinese finger trap: the more I pull, the tighter the trap. The more I fight against “my jailer,” the more entrenched in prison I become.
- When I realize my imprisonment is self-inflicted, I also come to understand I have agency. I am able to give up my swirling thoughts. I let loose of tension and am released from my prison cell–just as my fingers are released from the Chinese finger trap when I relax them. This allows me to quiet my mind and open to the moving energy of Spirit that I may become a vessel through which the power of God can flow into the created world, unencumbered.
Perhaps all I need to do now is push open the door and walk free?
CONCLUSION
The ongoing practice of Energetic Inquiry is helping me feel my way to freedom.
I have unlocked the door to the cell where I currently reside. Occasionally, I open the door and get out for a bit of fresh air. Generally, however, I become fearful of something and turn back to my cell where I have come to feel safe and secure.
It’s an ongoing process but, through Energetic Inquiry, as I grow more comfortable watching, listening, and letting the moving energy lead the way, I am getting better at knowing that I can ask and receive. I don’t have to cognitively know the way. I just keep following with conscious awareness, and gaining faith that the rest will unfold as it is meant to be.
NOTE:
- Please visit The Energetic Inquiry page on this website for information on how to incorporate the practice into your daily life.
- if you’d like to know when new blogs are posted or have comments or questions, you can follow me on Facebook at facebook.com/groups/energeticinquiry